Q: We were wondering, Dr. Bonehead—you have hosted many symposia and learning sessions around the country, probing every conceivable discipline, many of your insights have been quoted on odd little weblogs run by neanderthals, you've made nasty, hysterical polemics almost an acceptable form of behaviour, and you've turned your publication, BumfodderOnLine, into a one-man troll station—tell us, what is the most childish and incoherent thing you have written, in your view?

Dr Bonehead: That's Dr Bonehead, Ph.D., Drano.

Q: Right. Dr Bonehead, Medicine Woman. Tell us—oh, all right then: Ph.D.

Dr B.: Well, I'm grateful to be here, and God bless you for having me. I suppose you're talking about my actual, composed journalism, my writings, rather than just, you know, the things I say at symposia when I'm moderating.

Q: Those things are off the cuff, I should imagine.

Dr B.: Yeah, doesn't really count. Like it's easy to say unkind and thoughtless things in the midst of a free-for-all between my guest and the guy we've decided to pick apart.

Q: Sort of comes naturally, you might say.

Dr B.: Oh yeah. There's all kinds of things you can do, like cut people off, interrupt them just as they're about to make a point. And then there's stuff you prepare ahead of time. That's not that hard. You just go through the binder. I mean, there are well-thought-out zingers and talking points that have been honed and tested for maximum effectiveness on the sort of less sophisticated audience we're aiming at.

Q.: And that would be ... ?

Dr B.: Oh, undergraduates, young people. And older people, too, non-intellectuals, sort of. So ... a passage that springs to mind, from amongst my writings, that gets quoted a lot, is from my essay exploring the causes of Islamic terror. It goes something like this:

Socially segregated from women, Arab men succumb to homosexual behavior... Their sexual outlet mostly includes victimizing younger males - just the way they were victimized. In all of these circumstances, the idea of love is removed from men's understanding of sexuality. Like the essence of Arab masculinity, it is reduced to hurting others by violence.

Q.: It's almost poetry. I mean it sounds like it means something, but when you analyze it—

Dr B.: Puff, right. Nothing there.

Q.: Like a piece of ice on a hot stove. I mean, "mostly includes". What does that mean? You're not actually saying "male Arab sexual activity mostly consists of raping young men", but that's what people hear.

Dr B.: Exactly. That's the message.

Q.: And as for "hurting others by violence", I don't think that's even English, is it?

Dr B.: Not really, no. It mostly includes a new kind of language that we at BumfodderOnLine have pioneered. It's part of our larger project.

Q.: It is an amazing achievement. And how did you get to this stage? You, if memory serves, grew up in a western democracy—by no means the wealthiest land on the planet, but you were surrounded by friends and neighbours, people who loved you—how did you manage to nurture this cranky fratboy manner into a way of life?

Dr B.: Good question. In 1956, Soviet tanks rolled into—

Q.: I'm sorry; we're out of time. Now get lost, you little twit.