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Thursday, December 22, 2005

This via Eschaton 

Rude, maybe: Rape David Brooks To Save America.

Let us say, and why not, that you're David Brooks, New York Times conservative columnist and desperate apologist for the Bush administration. Let us say, and, indeed, why not, that President Bush and Vice President Cheney decided that the only way to prevent another terrorist attack was to have you raped. So Bush and Cheney went to Alberto Gonzales, who consulted John Yoo, who said, "If the Commander-in-Chief, in a time of war, having been given authorization by the Congress to do what it takes to win the war on terror, decides he needs have David Brooks raped as a tactic to win that war, then the President has the inherent power to so order the raping."

Thus, having been approved by his AG, whose initials are, conveniently for the President, "AG," Bush orders that you be raped by the NSA. Now, you, David Brooks, cannot be informed that such an order has taken place. And while members of Congress have been briefed on the matter, with a couple lodging concerns about the legality of raping David Brooks, the rape has been ordered. So, one day, without warning, some men in black grab you, drag you into a van, gag you, pull down your Armani slacks and boxers, and fuck your asshole raw while driving around New York City until, their duty being done, they dump you in front of the Times building. Let's say, and why not, that this begins to happen repeatedly, these kidnappings and rapes, that you, David Brooks, are gangbanged, forced fisted, and turned into a jizz bucket.

"Lowering the level of political discourse", as the Rude Pundit claims? Not really.


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