I used to stop in at McDonald's all the time for a coffee and the occasional envelope of chips. Neither product was really satisfactory, but it was quick and cheap. I used to marvel at the bad quality of the chips though. Apparently it's difficult to make a decent cup of coffee, but how hard could it be to make chips? Just peel some potatoes, cut them up and fire them into the big vat of hot gunge.

Well, of course, not only are their chips in fact extruded—which is to say, mashed up and then pushed through a hole like pasta, thereby ruining their delicate potato texture—but the gooey mass is also adulterated with milk! And flour! Whose idea was that? How could anyone think that potatoes just aren't good enough as is? Where did these idiots grow up?