Loser's Guide Loser's Guide

 Loser's Guide to Life

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


I was watching some crime show. The crime has already been committed. Snazzy men and women arrive at the crime scene and take swabs, wear rubber gloves, pose in their outfits. Wait, is this a fashion show? Meanwhile ... let's look at this corpse really closely. Dear me. Ugh, can we stop looking at that for a bit? It's a pretty horrible crime. And so messy!

"Look, LT. I've been examining some filth and discovered who the 'perp' is."

"Good. Let us now set our jaws grimly."

Usually our guy arrives on the scene, casts a cold eye on the victim, exchanges some words with a "uniform" or underling, and then, just before the main titles—a snappy quip! "I guess he won't be taking any more piano lessons." "H'm, I guess they'll be advertising for a new room mate." "I guess that's the last newspaper he'll read." Playing, you see, on the idea that the victim is dead.

It's not always easy. Sometimes our guy checks out the scene and can't come up with anything poignant.

"... blunt force trauma to the head, LT."

"H'm, I guess, uh, that's the last day for submission, uh, final notice ...?"



Did you know that the "Q" in the name "Q-tips" stands for "quality"?


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Watching TV is a good way to tear yourself away from the computer.