In case you missed it, there was a half hour there when everyone thought that Treat Williams was going to be the next guy, but it didn't happen. I hadn't realised how bad things must have got for him until I saw Gale Force (2002), a movie about some people engaged in a treasure hunt on a tropical island, not unlike the premise of a reality TV show. It seems to be two teams of people looking for the treasure, quarreling, exposing their foibles and so on, until they run into a gang of bad soldiers led by some ruthless guy. He's terribly ruthless. Not a dram of ruth in him. If somebody helps him out, he just sneers and shoots them a few minutes later.

An interesting battle tactic: when the mercenaries locate their quarry, who they know to be unarmed and silly, instead of shooting them they elect to fire RPGs from a few hundred yards away, creating lots of harmless flame and smoke. Their targets run away handily, but one of the women keeps stumbling and has to be assisted. Another woman can't run very fast—or at all, really, because she has the motor skills of a three-year-old—and has to be pulled along by a buddy and encouraged. “Run!” he says to her. “Ooooh! Ooow!”

Imagine working on this screenplay. It has been sent back many times as not being exciting enough, and the crucial running-away sequence needs beefing up.

“Well, okay, they're escaping from the bad guys, now ... what have we got? What's next?”

“Ermm ... how about this:

• EXT. JUNGLE - DAY


• Jill and the others run down the jungle path. Jill stumbles a third time.


• JILL


• Oweee!!

...?”

“We did that already, I think. But it's always good.”

“Yeah, I have a function key that does that.”