If I had a mouth, I'd chew your stupid face off.

One of my bosses is taking “early retirement”. It's odd, because she's only been in the position for a year or so, and there have been changes around the office in that time, so she hasn't really, you know, “done” anything yet. I think she's spent most of her career getting ready to tackle the job, a bit like Barbie's endless preparation for the party that never happens. Of course the jokes write themselves, but there's none to hear them.

But then I got to visit her house, where they've just installed a new kitchen. It's really nice. Very expensive, though. My understanding is that it cost about a third of a brand new house. And of course I've seen the previous kitchen, which was all right. It wasn't exactly something out of British 1950s movies with clanking pipes and Albert Finney being all angry, but I guess it was last year's kitchen.

However, you can see the pitfall: next year that cream of rhubarb colour is going to be so last year. And the breakfast nook? Oh, my, where have you been?