Loser's Guide to Life
It was payday and everyone was gathered at the master's wicket, and I thought it would be a good idea to put on a little morality play. Something modern. People are tired of the old ones about the Devil and the Sinner and so on. How about Public Hysteria? There was a story a while ago about some people who detected a bad smell or something, and so they all feared a plot. Some sort of weaponized miasma that would kill everyone. And they started falling ill. The sensitive ones were doubled over and vomiting, while the tough manly types just had to lie down for a bit. Soon help arrived in the form of squads of men in hazmat suits and armed with jerrycans full of deodorants.
But they gingerly tested the air and found that nothing smelt bad. “In fact”, thought the commanding officer, “it smells of freshy-cut elm, green and bitter. A lovely smell. And we're all lucky to enjoy it.”
But people aren't interested in drama any more.