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 Loser's Guide to Life

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Smoke Inspectors 

Harry Hutton of Chase Me, Ladies! steps up and does the right thing.

“Thousands of anti-smoking inspectors are being trained up at a cost of £30 million ready for July, to be sent out to mingle with carefree pub-goers or diners.”

I am offering a reward of £100 to the first person who punches one of these dreadful people on the nose, or £100 towards their legal costs. This is a genuine offer.

I used to see this man who had taken it upon himself to remind people outside the main building that smoking was only allowed in the street, or maybe he was a regular employee with some kind of tenure who had gone nuts and the bosses had to find him something simple to do. Just the sight of his troubled face was enough to ruin everyone's day. He made regular patrols near the entrances to the various buildings, not forgetting to look behind the gardener's shed, and people would react at his approach as if he were a panhandler. I think he felt important, though.

I've noticed that there are more and more security types swaggering around everywhere you go. Chewing their gum and toting a whole utility belt of keys, cell, measuring tape, etc. It's a god job for someone who just likes to keep an eye on things. But what do you say at quitting time? “There! I've, uh ... had a good look at that. Let's see, what do I have on for tomorrow? Oh, right. Keep an eye on things.”



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Watching TV is a good way to tear yourself away from the computer.