Loser's Guide to Life
- Dear, I wanted to talk to you about the strange child we have adopted; perhaps we've made a mistake, and she's actually a demon or, or, or some sort of demented being from another period; a murderous bloodsucker, if you will.
- Oh stop stop, dear. We've been through all this. Take your medication, or it'll get much worse.
- But dear. Strange things keep happening--
- All easily explained by some logic, or by a general feeling of what is “reasonable”. We've been through this before, dear, remember? I don't want to remind you of the last time when you were inexplicably crazy and drugged out, because we've agreed never to talk about that, except in a strangely allusive manner as need arises.
- Yes, I wish you would kind of stop that. It wasn't a big deal, and it's kind of boring when people--
- Dear--let's not talk about your, ah, ah, ah, ah, “crisis” again.
- Fine by me. You make it sound like it was like Nasser closing the Suez Canal or something.
- I'd better set up an appointment with Dr Simulacrum, I see...
- Yes, whatever. The thing is, this adopted kid (albeit an outwardly normal, dwarf-life creature) appears to have been sacrificing small animals and so on and apparently the other kids in the neighbourhood all shit their pants when she looks at them cross-eyed, so, I don't know. Don't you think it might be worth keeping a weather eye open?
- I am concerned about your slow descent into alcoholism and madness. Yes.
- Er, meantime, one of our non-possessed kids has gone missing, and there was a bit of muffled screaming and whimpering a little earlier. I've no idea if those two things are related, obviously. But...
- Oh, he's sure to be in his room, where our children always are, ensconced with teddy bears.
- I looked for him, but he's not there.
- H'mm, this is difficult...I've got an idea: let's for look for him somewhere else!
- Okay! That might work!
- Although I've a feeling the police will eventually pull up in several squad cars to arrest whoever.
- Here's hoping we all survive the final tussle!
- We always do!